Oh, boy...

I just read this fantastic entry at The Blog That Ate Manhattan, and I am having doubts about my choices... not that any choices have been made, per se, but the potential and the direction of my choices. Let me explain.

I moved to New York--THE City--10 years ago, to start residency, then fellowship, and then to work. Because my residency farmed us out all over the area--including Jersey and Long Island, Queens, Brooklyn, etc.--living in Manhattan was actually most central. It was wonderful!! I adored living in the city, everything from convenience, to the people, to being able to run in the street at night completely feeling safe (because of all of the people and the light), to the restaurants... oh, I could go on and on. It was incredible. For me, it was peaceful; it felt like home. (This is very hard to explain to non-Manhattanites, but it is so true.) And, as for TBTAM, September 11th, that most awful of all days, made me feel even more tied to the city. as hard as it was.

Then, about a year after I started working, I moved out to Queens. I suffered from SEVERE withdrawl. It is just not that easy to get into the city, although it should be, when you have a life outside of the city. My beloved did not understand--although he, too, lived in Queens, his office was in the city. This meant that he was in the city on a daily basis, and for completely different reasons than I had been. He thought of the city as a crazy, busy, dirty place... quite the opposite of my belief.

Now, in fellowship again, we moved even further away--1 hour north, to be exact. It is a nice place, but WOW! I miss Manhattan so much. But, we have had a taste of peace, tranquility... and still with a healthy dose of convenience (although I still do not feel safe running here at night--too dark, too deserted).

As I look forward to practice again, we have geared our search to warmer climes--this past year was not a kind one to the Northeast--or places in the Midwest, to be closer to family. So, it is in these areas that we are considering larger cities. My love has told me time and time again that The City is just too expensive, and if we stay, he would prefer Queens (most likely), or one of the other Boroughs. Whereas for my tastes, I would prefer to live IN Manhattan, or not at all.

My heart breaks at the thought of truly leaving... there had better be something spectacular out there for me! But I also cannot imagine again living in New York, and not in The City.